Last Night at Home

My family went out to dinner. My words-to-bites-of-food ratio was about 300:1. I usually don't finnish the humongous portions, so as always, I asked if I could box up the rest of my spaghetti to take home. I'd actually said it before I realized that no, I couldn't take it home for supper tomorrow night. Tomorrow night, I'll be in the embassy hotel. Leftover spaghetti isn't likely to be served (but you never know :) ).

I've had several of these "Oh, I guess I won't be here for that" moments. A few days ago, when my mom went shopping, I realized that I probably wouldn't get to eat much of the food I was unpacking. It's a strange feeling. We're getting our porch repainted this weekend, about the same time I'll be on a thirteen-hour flight en rout to Beijing. I could go on and on.

I'm in a weird in-between place, where I'm not really in the US, but definitely not in China. I kept losing track of time today, completely zoning out while thinking about the trip. I can't fully participate in life here, when I know I have so little time. And, obviously,  I can't do anything in China. Is this the norm for people going on long trips?

A bit of humor (not EXACT dialogue): 

My Brother (DiDi): Hey, Cameron, remember that time we tried to dig a hole to China? ***(There have also been a lot of "remember that time" -s. You'd think I was never coming back! Also, I think that every American kid MUST try this at one time or another.)***

Me: We never did that!

DiDi: Yeah we did, that time at the beach. 

Me: Oh yeah...it didn't really work, did it?

DiDi: *laughs* We wanted to visit. 

Me: Yes. But now we have these great machines to do that sort of thing.

DiDi: Really? Machines that can go to China? 

Me: Yeah, DiDi, they're called airplanes. 

*** Di Di means "little brother" in Chinese, and I've called him that as a nickname for years.***

On another note, I finally have some pictures of my completed traveling pharmacy!

This is a top view of the TP in my CHECK bag (a.k.a. largest one).

See how it takes up ALMOST HALf?!?!?!? The whole "Almost a third" bit was an understatement.

Aaaaaaaand THIS is the bag I'll actually be using to carry it :(  It's my carry-on. Literally, it's almost my entire carry-on. I AM PREPARED FOR AT LEAST TEN MEDICAL EMERGENCIES THAT INVOLVE SUFFOCATION AND/OR RUNNY NOSES.

They better cure food allergies and asthma SOON. Before I take my gap year :O Can you imagine hauling a YEAR'S worth of this stuff around? I'd need to hire a personal sherpa.

Answering question from Mike, a guy on the trip: I've "studied" Chinese with various tutors on and off for ten years. This last year was my first year in a classroom. I jumped headfirst into a really rigorous Chinese Level 3 Honors class, and it was basically an immersion. I was in waaaaaay over my head, but I swam instead of sinking, if you'll excuse the extended metaphor. So I can do the basics, but there are chasms in my ability. I can speak better than I listen, and I read better than I write. What about you?

I think I speak Chinglish.

Selections From My Oral Exam

(Background: In order to partake in the language program, I had to do an over-the-phone interview to assess my oral proficiency pre-departure. This is presumably so that they can compare it with a post-trip test, and prove to the government that they should keep funding them because their students make progress. It was 23 minutes of chaos.)

(Loosely translated from Mandarin Chinese) (The italicized text is my thoughts) ("XXXXXX" means Chinese words that I do not understand) (The Parts are not in chronological order.)

Part One: Pets

Examiner (Ex): So Cameron, do you or do you not have XXXXXXXXX?

Me: Crap, what is XXXXXXXXX? Um........ What could she mean? Is she talking about a school subject? A type of food? Or--


Ex: Cameron? Do you or do you not have XXXXXXXXX?

Me: Um.........  Oh god, what is she SAYING??? Um...what?

Ex: XXXXXXXXX. Dog, cat, XXXX, rabbit, XXXXXXXXXXXXX.

Me: Animals! She's talking about animals! Pets, do I have any pets. Yes, I can do this one! My family has a dog. His name is Sunny.

Ex: Ah, yes, yes, dog. XXXXXXXXX your dog XXXXXXXXXXXX?

Me: Oh no. Now what? Okay, okay, she's asking about my dog. So I'll just keep talking about the dog, everything will be okay. Yes, he is very big. He is --- ack, the color of --- His fur is white.

Ex: Ah, yes, yes, white. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX?

Me: No! Stay on pets! I can do pets! Maybe I should just make something up. Will she believe me if I say I have a horse? Um..... what?


Ex: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX?

Me: Bosco! I can mention Bosco, he counts as a pet. My little brother has... Oh crap, how do you say "mouse"? And what's the measure word?  *** Mandarin has measure words. You can't say "I have six apples." Every object has a unique measure word, and you just have to memorize them all. You have to say "I have six (measure-word-that-pertains-only-to-apples) apples." The sentence does not make sense without it. *** ....one (measure-word-for-humans-because-I-can't-think-of-anything-else) rat. Oh god, I hope that's close enough.


Ex: Unnerving silence


Me: Worried silence


Ex: Rat?

Me: Rat.

Ex: Ah, yes, yes, rat. More unnerving silence

Me: We can't possibly be done. Are we done? Is this possible? Really?

EX: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX?

Me: WHY???????


Part Two: XXXXXXXXXX?



Ex: What do you XXXXXXXXX?

Me: What? WHAT IS SHE TALKING ABOUT oh crap they are going to kick me out of the program for sheer incompetence


Ex: What do you XXXXXXXXXXX?

Me: What does "XXXXXXXXXX" mean? ***At this point, my dog walks over, plops himself on the rug in front of me, and starts to loudly lick his private parts***

Ex: XXXX, XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX?

Me: (IN ENGLISH) I'm sorry, I didn't catch that, could you say that again?

Ex: XXXXXXXXXXXX. Swimming, Basketball, XXXXXXXXXX, XXXXXXXXXX.

Me: ***I have a memory flash*** SPORTS! Yes. XXXXXXXXXX = Sports.  My house is near the YMCA. In the...season, season, SEASON, HOW DO YOU SAY THE SEASONS ***Memory flash*** summertime, my friends and I like to go to the pool. The YMCA has a pool.



Ex: Ah, yes, yes, YMCA. How do you XXXXXXXX distance XXXXXXXX YMCA XXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX?

Me: *** I sit there in intimidated silence. Then the mailman comes to the front porch. Sunny jumps up, and starts barking wildly. My mom rushes over to hush him. I have completely lost my train of thought *** Um... Did that sentence include "YMCA"? I can't remember. Mailmen wear funny hats. 


Ex: How do you XXXXXXXX distance XXXXXXXX YMCA XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX minutes?

Me: Okay. You can do this. She's asking about traveling, sort of. We did a unit on this in class. My house is very near the YMCA. I take a walk to get there.

Ex: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX minutes?

Me: Umm..... *A full minute of panic and silence*

Ex: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX minutes?

Me: My house is very near. What does she want? Are we on a new topic?


Ex: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX minutes? Minutes. Minutes.

Me: I just have to guess. The walk from my house to the YMCA is about five minutes.

Ex: Ah, yes, yes, five minutes.

Part Three: How Hard?

Ex: Do you like Chinese?

Me: Yes.

Ex: Why?

Me: Chinese is extremely interesting. When I was young, I had a teacher who was Chinese. I listened to her, it was extremely... Adjectives, positive adjectives, why are you deserting me now??... interesting.

Ex: Ah, yes, yes, interesting. Is it hard or not hard for you to speak Chinese?

Me: ***Mediocrity is very difficult for perfectionists*** It is very hard.

Ex: Why?

Me: Really?!?!  REALLY?!?!?! Because I have this mess of Chinglish inside my head that WILL NOT stuff itself into sentence structure! Because I KNOW words, but forget them the moment I have to use them. Seriously, I pace my room at night having conversations in Chinese with my desk, but I freeze up on the stupid exams. Because I know nouns and verbs and adjectives, and you can't make a Chinese sentence solely out of nouns and verbs and adjectives. Because when I try to think in Chinese, I get the equivalent of brain freeze. Because I never understand the questions. Because I don't know how to give the answers. ***It has been a long time of me thinking this and similar things***  


Ex: Cameron? Why?

Me: Good question.  I...I... This is pathetic, Cameron. Just SAY SOMETHING! 

Ex: Why is speaking Chinese hard?

Me: Because... I have no words.

Traveling Pharmacy

So I have allergies. I am anaphylactic (read: I eat, I die) to peanuts and tree nuts (like macadamia nuts, almonds, pecans, cashews). So when peanuts or treenuts get into by body (I don't even necessarily have to EAT them. I could rest my hand on a table where someone's just eaten some PB&J, and then rub my eye or something),  I get itchy, painful red bumps all over my skin (these are called hives), the parts of my body that have come in contact with the allergen swell up, I get stomach cramps and start throwing up, and, worst of all, my throat swells shut. And when you can't breathe, you kind of die. I'm also allergic to animal dander and saliva, pollen, dust, and mold (and probably some other stuff, but it's hard to keep track), but for those allergies (called environmental allergies) all that happens to me is I get itchy, watery eyes, a running nose, and sometimes hives. I also have asthma, which means when I breathe dirty air, or when I do a lot of exercise, my bronchioles (a.k.a. the little tubes in your lungs where oxygen goes when you breath in) swell shut and I can't breathe. And when you can't breathe...

This is quite a problem for someone going to everybody-cooks-with-peanut-oil, worst-air-pollution-in-the-world China. BUT. All of this can be controlled with --- drumroll please --- Cameron Ishee's Traveling Pharmacy!

The Traveling Pharmacy is a box that takes up about 1/4th of my larger bag, and it contains the assortment of pills, powders, shots and liquids that will keep me breathing in the event of a Medical Emergency. These Medical Emergencies happen waaaaaaaaaay less frequently than you'd guess, but it won't kill me to be prepared (it will kill me not to be prepared). So, I am spending a large part of today assembling this Traveling Pharmacy. Five days left.