Shopping and Dolores Umbaridge

I am the kind of person who hates malls. They are claustrophobic, the food in the food courts is awful, and store employees walk in on you while you are changing. They also play up the gender stereotypes, in addition to playing annoying music. I swim in most clothing sizes, as pants are typically designed for people with hips. And don't get me started on the lighting...

So I generally avoid malls. However, not owning clothes is frowned upon by most people (including myself) so I do have to go shopping. This upcoming trip has presented such an occasion. So this afternoon, I found myself browsing one of the least horrible stores in the area: REI. In addition to having clothes that are versatile and practical, REI's products are also kind of...nice. I found myself looking at many of the items thinking Hey, I might actually wear that. I might go so far as to say that it was a good experience. I came away with two shirts and two pairs of pants that I fully intend to take to China (I also came away with some very tasty astronought, a.k.a. freeze-dried, ice cream. SO WHAT if I'm the only one in the world who likes them?!?!?!?).

Then came DSW Shoe Warehouse. Shoe shopping is easier and more interesting for me, so it wasn't bad at all. But as I was going through one of the Discount isles, I saw a particular shoe and thought, that's an UMBRIDGE SHOE! Oh yes, you know what I'm talking about. A shoe that could only be worn by the Harry Potter character, the sickly sweet, evil Dolores Jane Umbridge. Yes, I'm talking about this Umbridge:
(This is actually the actress who plays her in the films, Imelda Staunton).

As it turns out, there are quite a few shoes in this particular shoe store that are like this. And so I've decided to create what I hope will be a recurring type of post: Shoes Auditioning for Dolores Umbridge's Feet. This is part one. Hope you enjoy! (Three days left) (Congrats to Wahid on finishing the HP series!)

Okay, so not technically a shoe. I included a few purses. 

The camera cannot capture the sheer awfulness of is pair of shoes.  In addition to the  four -inch heels, there's a zipper up the entire back.

Her bedroom slippers, perhaps? 

Perfect satin bows  :)

Nasty little leather flowers on this number.

This is actually a clutch purse. I understand how it could be mistaken for  just a ball of cloth.

Dolores! Doloooooooooores! Take me home!

Again, the camera cannot capture the vomit-inducing qualities of this pair. The plaid glitters!

The bows were plastic, the heels leather, and the whole thing absolutely CREEPY.

So do YOU know of a pair of shoes that would like 

to audition for Dolores' feet? 

Email 'em to me, I might include them in the next lineup!